Ma’qil ibn Yasar (may Allah be pleased with him), the companion of the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“جاء رجل إلى النبي r فقال إني أصبت امرأة ذات حسب وجمال وإنها لا تلد أفأتزوجها قال لا ثم أتاه الثانية فنهاه ثم أتاه الثالثة فقال تزوجوا الودود الولود فإني مكاثر بكم الأمم.”  (أبو داود)

 “A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘I have found a woman of rank and beauty, but she is infertile. Should I marry her?’  He said, ‘No’.  He came again to him, but he prohibited him. He came to him a third time, and he [the Prophet] said, ‘Marry the loving and fertile women for, I shall show you off on the Day of Judgment.” [Abu-Dawood, and authenticated by al-Albani]

Is family planning forbidden?

Although you should not say ‘I will have only a set number of children and never have more’ you may use contraception for health reasons, which include the mother’s inability to care for more.                               Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

    “كنا نعزل و القرآن ينزل”  (متفق عليه)

 “We used to practice coitus interruptus while the Quran was being revealed.” [Agreed upon]

However, it is unallowable to do that out of fear from poverty, Allah says,

( نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ )(الاسراء: من الآية31)

“[17/31] We provide for them and for you”

 Take it on a one by one basis, if your wife has three or four and tells you she can’t  handle any more children, then, you may defer having more until she can and; if she couldn’t then it is Allah’s will that you have that many kids.

Islam protects children and provides for their physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Islam starts its protection of children prior to conception by establishing a healthy family to which the child will be born in.

Islam protects the fetus in the mother’s womb

Examples of such protection:

• Preserving the fetus’s life:                                                                                       It is agreed upon amongst the scholars that aborting a fetus after 120 days from conception is murder. Between 42 and 120 days is controversial. This does not mean that abortion prior to that time frame is lawful; it is still haram except in very limited conditions.

The mother who is entrusted with such a great favor is obliged to protect her fetus from any harm; whether this harm can be caused by the consumption of a certain food, or medicine, or an activity that is deemed by experts as unsafe.  It is enough to say that Allah has exempted the pregnant woman from the third pillar of Islam, fasting, for her and the baby’s sake.

• Preserving his mother’s life:

(Even if she deserves to be killed) for the fetus’s sake

Buraidah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

جاءت الغامدية فقالت يا رسول الله إني قد زنيت فطهرني وإنه ردها فلما كان الغد قالت يا رسول الله لم تردني لعلك أن تردني كما رددت ماعزا فوالله إني لحبلى قال أما لا فاذهبي حتى تلدي فلما ولدت أتته بالصبي في خرقة قالت هذا قد ولدته قال اذهبي فأرضعيه حتى تفطميه فلما فطمته أتته بالصبي في يده   كسرة  خبز فقالت هذا يا نبي الله قد فطمته وقد أكل الطعام فدفع الصبي إلى رجل من المسلمين ثم أمر بها فحفر لها إلى صدرها وأمر الناس فرجموها.                                                                                     (خ)

“Al-Ghamidiyah, (a woman) came to the Prophet to, purify her from fornication and, consequently was pregnant. The Prophet told her go back until you give birth. She did and, came back and, the Prophet told her, ‘Go back and, nurse him.’ She did and, brought the child with a piece of bread in his hand, only then, the Prophet inflicted the punishment on her. [Albukhari]

• Punishment of whoever beats a pregnant woman leading to abortion of the fetus.

عن أبي هريرة “أن رسول الله r قضى في جنين امرأة من بني لحيان بغرة عبد أو أمة.”                                           (خ)

Abu-Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that, the Prophet decreed against a woman who caused another woman to have an abortion that, she gives a slave to the guardian of the aborted. [Al-Bukhari]

This financial punishment does not mean that the assaulter would be always exempted from further punishment.

• Financial rights of the fetus

It is known that a fetus inherits his deceased father who has died before his birth.

The father is required to spend on his pregnant divorcee as long as she is pregnant.

Othman ibn Affan recommended that Zakat Alfitr be paid on behalf of the fetus.

Once the child is born he/she is entitled to many rights, which include:

• His right on Allah is not to be held accountable until puberty

عن علي أن رسول الله  r قال “رفع القلم عن  ثلاثة عن الصبي حتى يبلغ وعن النائم حتى يستيقظ وعن المعتوه حتى يبرأ” (د) صحيح الجامع 3514

Aly (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peacebe upon him) said, “three shall not be held accountable, the boy until he reaches puberty, the person who is asleep until he wakes up, and the insane until he is cured” [Abu-Dawood, and authenticated by al-Albani]

• At the same time his good deeds will be counted for him

عن ابن عباس قال: رفعت امرأة صبيا لها فقالت: “يا رسول الله ألهذا حج؟ قال: نعم ولك أجر.”                                                               (م)

Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that “A woman raised her child (for the Prophet to see him) and said, ‘is this child’s hajj accepted?’ The Prophet said: ’Yes and you shall be rewarded.’”[Muslim]

Some of the rights acquired upon birth by the child on the family and the society

• The protection of his lineage                                                                              The man who is married to a pregnant woman cannot deny his paternity of the newborn if such (i.e. paternity) is possible.

قال رسول الله “الولد للفراش” (متفق عليه)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The newborn shall only belong to the husband of the mother.” (Agreed upon)

These measures mean protection of the infant’s honor and that someone will be responsible for him.

The ill effects of disrupting the family system through premarital affairs and other forms of deviation are well known and documented.  Allah has outlawed all these forbidden extramarital relations that some  might  think are personal freedoms.

• Nursing                                                                                                          Allah said:

وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا لا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَدِهِ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالاً عَنْ تَرَاضٍ مِنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمْ أَنْ تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلادَكُمْ فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُمْ مَا آتَيْتُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ) (البقرة:233)

“The mothers shall breast-feed their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, or father on account of his child. And on the (father’s) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them. And if you decide on a foster suckling-mother for your children, there is no sin on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you agreed (to give her) on reasonable basis. And fear Allah and know that Allah is all-seer of what you do.” [2:233]

• Custody   (Alhadanah)

The best environment for a child to grow and blossom is between his two parents who live in harmony; with mercy and compassion being the driving force for the family.  Allah has stated in His book however, that this arrangement is not always feasible. Since Islam is a religion which deals with the reality of humans and tries to make the best out of this reality it set guidelines for the childcare of divorced parents.

       1-Both parents have the right to see and care for the child and, no parent should deprive the other of such right.

“لا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَده”

“No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child, or father on account of his child.”

2 -A child who is less than seven years of age is to stay with his mother as long as she is unmarried.

3– When the child turns seven he may choose between his parents.

 These rules are deduced from the following two ahadeeth.

عن جده عبد الله بن عمرو أن امرأة قالت ثم يا رسول الله إن ابني هذا كان بطني له وعاء وثديي له سقاء وحجري له حواء وإن أباه طلقني وأراد أن ينتزعه مني فقال لها رسول الله r “أنت أحق به ما لم تنكحي.”  صح/ناصر/إرواء  د/2276

Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Al-‘as: “A woman said: ‘Apostle of Allah, my womb was a vessel to this son of mine, my breasts, a water-skin for him, and my lap a guard for him, yet his father has divorced me, and wants to take him away from me.’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘You have more right to him as long as you do not marry.’”             Abudawood book 12, number 2269:  and authenticated by Alalbany in Irwa Alghaleel

قال أبو هريرة “اللهم إني لا أقول هذا إلا أني سمعت امرأة جاءت إلى رسول الله  صلى الله عليه وسلم  وأنا قاعد عنده فقالت يا رسول الله إن زوجي يريد أن يذهب بابني وقد سقاني من بئر أبي عنبة وقد نفعني فقال رسول الله  صلى الله عليه وسلم  استهما عليه فقال زوجها من يحاقني في ولدي فقال النبي  صلى الله عليه وسلم هذا أبوك وهذه أمك فخذ بيد أيهما شئت فأخذ بيد أمه   فانطلقت به.”  د (صح/ناصر/إرواء)

Abu-Hurairah(may Allah be pleased with him) said:”O Allah, I do not say this, except that I heard a woman who came to the Apostle of Allah while I was sitting with him, and she said: ‘My husband wishes to take away my son, Apostle of Allah, and he draws water for me from the well of Abi Inabah, and he has been good to me.’ The Apostle of Allah said, ‘Cast lots for him.’ Her husband said, ’Who is disputing with me about my son?’ The Prophet said, ’This is your father and this is your mother, so take whichever of them you wish by the hand.’ So he [the son] took his mother’s hand and she went away with him (Abudawood, and authenticated by Alalbany in Irwa’ Alghaleel)

The scholars agree, however, that a judge will have to use his discretion in the process of giving custody. For example, if one parent is too permissive with the child and doesn’t care much about the child’s education and manners, such a parent may not be given custody even if he is entitled to it according to the order or through the free choice of the child.

• The right to sustenance

Allah said:

وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا لا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَدِهِ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالاً عَنْ تَرَاضٍ مِنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمْ أَنْ تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلادَكُمْ فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُمْ مَا آتَيْتُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ) (البقرة:233)

[2/233] The mothers shall nurse to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear.

So not only is the father responsible for the child but, also for the child’s mother (who is divorced) as long as she is nursing him.

If the father is absent or incapable, the duty becomes the relatives of the child; and, if there are no relatives (the sequence of who would be responsible is controversial, but Ahmad said those who would inherit the child when he dies are the responsible ones), the duty becomes the Muslim society (Baytulmaal).

• Guardianship

There are different types of guardianship.

One has to do with protection and sustenance and in general, looking out for the child’s best interest and, this is the father’s.  In case of his absence or incapability, it moves to other relatives; the males on the paternal side. Examples of such guardianship include, sharing with the daughter in the decision- making with regards to her marriage and, the right to bar her from marrying someone who is not befitting for her, that is why this guardianship lasts until marriage as far as girls are concerned and until puberty for boys; although this may look like a burden and not a right. If you closely examine the issue, you will realize, it is a right and not a burden.

The other type of guardianship is the physical custody which is the mother’s or, if absent or incapable, other female relatives on the maternal side.

The third type of guardianship is a financial one (growing the child’s wealth). This is delegated to the child’s father or his appointee, if the father is not available then in respective order; it is either delegated to the judge or his appointee (Hanbali methodology) or, the grandfather or his appointee then the judge (Shafi’y)

• The right of education

Tarbeyah in Islam includes education. The murabby is the person who teaches both manners, etiquettes, reading, writing and other subjects. The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

عن عائشة ل قالت قال رسول الله r: ((من ابتلي بشيءٍ من هذه البنات فأدّبهن فأحسن تأديبهن ورباهن فأحسن تربيتهن كن له حجاباً من النار))  (متفق عليه)

“He who is tested by Allah with daughters and, raises them well [which includes teaching them manners and knowledge], they will be a protection and a shield for him from the hellfire.” (Agreed upon)

Finally, it was narrated that no one was more merciful to children than the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). Kindness to children is the natural inclination of upright humans. Any deviation from that is a sign on one’s perversion.

May Allah make us of those who show mercy and will be shown mercy.