Sr. … (Revert) in the … group asks:
I have been Muslim for little while now. I am the only Muslim in my large extended family and have had no help in this from anyone really. I have just prayed for strength and knowledge to come my way inshaAllah. Last year I found an online class for Muslimah’s. My second time to attend, the teacher learned that my husband wasn’t Muslim and she told me to “leave him at once…today!!!” My question to her was….”And go where?” I had been with this man for 30 years. I had no job, no money and no family that would support me in this decision. I am still with this man, although he works a contract job in another state and we only see each other maybe 3 or 4 times a year. He has always supported me and defended me in my decision to embrace Islam, but doesn’t care to do the same. All he asked was for me to refrain from wearing hijab for my own safety because of where I live. I am not a young lady and I am ill. I am raising a 12 year old grandson and I also have a 19 yr old daughter who is trying to get over major surgery still living in my home. Without my husband caring for us financially….what will become of us? So you see…..it is not a simple matter. I would really appreciate your feedback on my situation. Thank you.
All praise be to Allah, and may His blessings and peace be upon His messenger,
“وَأَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ طَرَفَيِ النَّهَارِ وَزُلَفًا مِّنَ اللَّيْلِ إِنَّ الْحَسَنَاتِ يُذْهِبْنَ السَّيِّئَاتِ ذَٰلِكَ ذِكْرَىٰ لِلذَّاكِرِينَ”
“And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with misdeeds. That is a reminder for those who remember.” [Sahih International 11:114]
Allah also said:
“قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعاً إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ.”
“Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [39:53]
There is a difference between disbelief and sin. This elderly sister, with all of the circumstances described, is a believing Muslimah. Her not wearing hijab or separating from her husband does not, by any means, make her otherwise. However, both of these actions are sins in Islam. While we should never belittle the enormity of these sins in particular and all sins in general, we must also know that many other people commit sins day and night, by their bodies and hearts, some of which may be seen as trivial by them, while, in fact, they are greater than hers in the sight of Allah.
As long as she stays in that relationship, and as long as she is not wearing hijab, she should recognize that she is sinning and she will need to do the following:
- Ask Allah for forgiveness and excel in His worship.
- Limit her intimacy with her “husband” as much as possible.
- Explore other options for her future life.
- Seek every possible way to convince him of Islam and supplicate to Allah frequently, and with complete devotion and humility, to guide his heart.
- Think good of Allah and understand that He is most fair and that He knows her circumstances and is most aware of her needs and distress. She should not allow the shaytan (devil) to spoil the sweetness of her faith by causing her despair or ruin the joy of her recognition and love of Allah by getting, through his grief-laden whispers, in the middle between her and Him.
May Allah guide him and relieve her distress and bring peace, health, comfort and prosperity to their household.
Allah knows best.