Wife beating… is it permitted?

All praise be to Allah and may He bless our most beloved, Prophet Muhammad.
Dear Enquirer,
Thank you for your trust. Here is what I consider to be the Islamic position on wife beating and domestic violence in general.
The following verse of the Quran is usually quoted and misquoted with regard to the issue of wife spanking:
“الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللّهُ وَاللاَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلاَ تَبْغُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا.”
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things.” (Q. 4: 34-35)
Please, pay attention to the following:
The verse starts by saying “men are the protectors and maintainers….”
The verse talks about the extreme condition of nushooz, which is the wife's rebellion against the husband.
The verse advises a gradual manner in handling even that extreme case.
The verse orders cessation of any disciplinary measures once the problem is fixed.
The Prophet explained the spanking in the verse as “light, or not harsh”. He (Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said:
” اتقوا الله في النساء فإنكم أخذتموهن بأمان الله واستحللتم فروجهن بكلمة الله ولكم عليهن أن لا يوطئن فرشكم أحدا تكرهونه فإن فعلن ذلك فاضربوهن ضربا غير مبرح ولهن عليكم رزقهن وكسوتهن بالمعروف ” رواه مسلم
“Fear Allah with regard to women, for you have taken them through a trust from Allah and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the word of Allah. Your right over them is that they should not allow anyone to sit on your furniture whom you dislike; if they do that then spank them but not in a harsh manner. And their right over you is that you should provide for them and clothe them on a reasonable basis.” Narrated by Muslim
This was further elucidated by 'Abdullah ibn 'Abbas who said it is hitting with the siwak (tooth brush). The scholars said, it may be with the end of one’s garment, and the like.
The jurists also further clarify the meaning by stating that it should not leave any marks. (As a practicing pediatrician in the USA, I am supposed to look for marks on the children's bodies to distinguish light spanking from abuse)
I hope it is clear that there is a huge difference between the Islamic position and domestic violence that we encounter here in the west as well as the east.
Next, the verse must be understood within the context of the rest of the revelation, including Allah's saying:
“وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ.”
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Q. 30: 21)
This verse shows the overall environment that should dominate the Muslim home.
Allah also said regarding the kind treatment of wives:
“وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا.”
“Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Q. 4: 19)
And, the Prophet said:
“بِمَ يَضْرِبُ أحدكم امْرَأَتَهُ ضَرْبَ الْفَحْلِ ثُمَّ لَعَلَّهُ يُعَانِقُهَا.”
“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43) And he said:
“لا تضربوا إماء الله.” صحيح ابن حبان
“Do not beat the female servants of Allah” (Reported by Ibn Hibbaan and others) He also said:
“لقد طاف بآل محمد الليلة سبعون امرأة كلهن يشتكين الضرب وايم الله لا تجدون أولئك خياركم.” صحيح ابن حبان.
“Some seventy [used for abundance] women visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). By Allah, you will not find those men to be the best of you.” (Reported by Ibn Hibbaan and others)
In these reports, it is clear that the Prophet is urging the Muslims to avoid this bitter remedy as much as possible and until all other means are exhausted.
He also makes it clear that not all women deserve this extreme disciplinary measure. Also, the noblest men will refrain from this as he said: “These husbands are not the best of you”
After all, his example is the best and an-Nasa'ee reported from 'Aisha that he (May Allah bless him and give him peace) never hit a woman, servant or child.
If some Muslims deviated from the Islamic position mentioned here above, it is not the fault of Islam, as much as it is not the fault of Islam that many Muslims commit sins or abandon their obligations. It remains to be said that we must rise to protect the rights of women in the Muslim societies against those who abuse them. The Messenger of Allah said: “لا يقدس الله أمة لا يأخذون للضعيف حقه.”
“Allah will not glorify a nation that doesn't support the weak until they take their full rights.” (Saheeh al-Jame’)
Yet, someone may ask: Did these teachings contribute – even indirectly – to the reality that we live in?
To answer that, let me tell you that sinners don't need any justification to commit their sin. Yet, they may use weak arguments after the fact to justify what they committed.
Besides, the rates of wife battering are not less in the west, and they get to extremes not usually witnessed in the east. Here are some statistics of domestic violence in the USA for you to ponder: (From the website of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.ncadv.org/files/DV_Facts.pdf)
- One in four women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
- In 2001 1247 women were killed by an intimate partner. In the same year, there were 691,710 cases of non-fatal incidents of domestic violence.
Now, it may be also helpful for you to understand the status of women prior to Islam: In the Bible, it says:
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth god shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her. Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. Ecclesiasticus (Catholic version) 7:26-28
No wickedness comes anywhere near the wickedness of a woman. Sin began with a woman and thanks to her we all must die. Ecclesiasticus 25:19,24
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Timothy 2:11-15
Even Martin Luther (the reformer) Said: “if they become tired or even die, that doesn’t matter. Let them die in childbirth, that is why they are there
And if a man sells his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. Exodus 21:7
Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
To betroth a wife to oneself meant simply to acquire possession of her by payment of the purchase money. The betrothed is a girl for which the purchase money was paid. (Encyclopedia Biblica 1902 vol. 3 p. 2942)
Her husband to rule over her
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is god. 1 Corinthians 11:3
I also would like to advise you that we should all be assured of Allah’s infinite justice, and we must respect our human limitations in understanding. After all, we don’t see all rays of light, nor do we hear all waves of sound, nor do we even know exactly how our hearts beat. Should we then think that we can encompass His wisdom?
Am I inviting you to blind faith? No.
In Islam, the foundations of the religion are all comprehendible and compatible with the human mind and logic, and proven by hard evidence. That is expected, because God would not ask us to reach Him if he has not made the path easy for us to take. Thus, any religion whose foundations are based on mystery and are illogical could not be a true religion of God.
Islam’s concept is: A single Creator, who created and maintained with full control the entire universe, and who is to be alone worshipped by man, without mediums or brokers, on the basis of a well preserved persuasive and beautiful revelation, that has been given to a credible and great prophet, whose perfection and sublime character has been acknowledged by billions of people, including thinkers, scientists, great leaders, even enemies.
This is all plausible, non convoluted and intelligible. There is no other religion that provides this perfect concept.
The details of the rulings, however, may not be understood by all of us. This is to be expected because human beings have limited and variable mental capacities and they differ amongst themselves on many matters. Even with regard to manmade laws, some will argue for certain legislation and some against it. Yet, they should understand that they all have to comply by such laws for the well being of the community. After all, the laws are not going to be tailored to suit everyone’s taste.
So, if God decides for us on some matters, some of us may not comprehend some of them. They are then asked to submit to his Divine will and trust His Divine wisdom.
This is not blind faith. You had your eyes quite open until you reached the gates of the Lord. Then, keep your heart and mind open to understand his injunctions, but never contest His will or question His wisdom. If you are in the middle of the ocean, you will rely on the expert/s to take you to the shore, and that will not and should not be called blind faith. What, then, do you think of being in the court of God? Once you have arrived at his door, now prostrate your heart, mind and body before His majesty and glory.
That does not mean to not ask, but we should ask to learn and increase our iman.
I hope that you find this answer satisfactory, and I thank you for your interest in learning about the religion.
Allah knows best.