Assalamulaikum,
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have two children. When we married we were both non practicing Muslims. Alhamdulillah, 4 years ago, I was given the guidance, and began practicing Islam. During that time, I`ve tried to help my husband realize the beauty of this religion and how important it is to follow it. Unfortunately 4 years later he is still not praying, listening to music, watches inappropriate TV, uses foul language, etc. This however, is between him and Allah SWT.
However, all of these issues has a spillover effect on me and my children. My husband also uses foul language in front of them, yells at me and the children, is harsh with them and has threatened that he will take them back to his country and leaves me.
Alhamdulillah, my children are in an Islamic school. But he threatens to take them out every time we have a disagreement. Additionally, he believes taking interest loans is perfectly fine. And brought me a document last week telling me to fill the application for a riba loan on which he wanted me to sign.
Lastly, I work full time outside the home. I have requested him to be able to work less and take care of my children but he refuses. He demands 75% of my income to take care of our very luxurious lifestyle. He will not listen to my requests to change our life. Is it permissible for me to stay in this marriage?
All praise be to Allah, and may His peace and blessings be on the greatest messenger, Muhammad.
My respected sister,
This story of yours is not rare, but rather very common. The hearts are in the hands of their creator, thus, when one of the spouses turns back to Allah, the other may not necessarily do the same.
I would advise you to be patient with him if he is Muslim. At least if he has respect for the religion, and shows it through any acts of righteousness, such as fasting in Ramadan…etc, then you should invest more time and effort in guiding him.
Continue to exhort him with kindness and gentleness to repent and pray, and to desist from using the foul language and watching inappropriate TV, but do not be too authoritative in doing so. Try to show him how Islam made you a perfect wife and to win his heart over.
If he is completely wicked, and there is no good in him whatsoever, then it may be better for you and the children to leave him. (He will always be their father however) As for signing a usurious contract, you should not, for “there is no obedience for a creature at the expense of disobeying the creator” as our most beloved, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said.
You do have the right to stay home more, and if you wish, to quit work all together. There is no doubt that you are entitled to doing so. I hope that he will, one day, recognize the great benefits of a stay-home wife and mother. Again, you are entitled to being spent on, and if he refuses, you will have the choice to seek divorce or stay with him, but since you have kids together, I would recommend for you to try to salvage the marriage as much as you can.
Allah knows best.